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Courting Rituals in Herefordshire

We’re all used to the concept of online dating but in bygone times in Herefordshire finding a husband was a very different affair. Women were very keen to find out the identity of their future husband and how long they were going to have to wait for him to show up. Many strange methods were deployed to establish this, some women took to following old wives tales others followed traditions passed down by kin. All rather different, some hilarious, others strange but all extraordinary. So we thought we would share a few with you.

We start with the strange. Many a young woman would put a slice of wedding cake, a sprig of yarrow or a flowering branch of Hawthorne under her pillow at night in the hope that she would dream about her husband to be. To see his face in their dreams and awake with confidence that their future husband was secured. If they didn’t manage to get a good night’s sleep which was indeed quite possible and didn’t manage to conjure up the man of their dreams more drastic measures were deployed. Out came the knives, forks and plates which were placed under the bolster. If this failed too they could always go to bed in a pair of new shoes and stockings as a last resort hoping that a good night’s sleep was to follow, which was probably more due to the exhaustion from all of the previous activities!

If that all sounds too uncomfortable then how about something more delicate. A letter from a beau would be pinned in nine folds and set next to the woman’s heart before she went to bed. Apparently if she dreamt of golds and jewels her beau was sincere.

Living in a county full of apples another sure way of testing sincerity was to extract an apple pip whilst speaking the name of your sweetheart and then place the pip on the fire. If it popped and made a noise pure love was confirmed but if it remained silent it was a sign that the relationship was doomed as this rhyme confirms. “If you love me bounce and fly; If you hate me lie and die.”

We’re not finished with the apple theme yet though. If there were many suitors to choose from then a woman would gather a pip for each one and stick them to her cheeks while at the same time saying their name. The pip which dropped off last would indicate the suitor who would be the most faithful to her. At Eastnor it was believed that if an apple was pared and the unbroken peeling thrown over the left shoulder it would fall in the shape of a future partner’s name. How twee!

Many women wanting to know when they were to be married would hang a ring from a strand of their hair and hold it over a glass of water. The number of times that the ring knocked against the side of the glass would indicate the number of years before their wedding. How many were accurate we’ll never know but we’re sure that it wasn’t an exact science!

On Christmas Day if a woman wore a rose which had been plucked the previous Midsummer Eve and a single man took it from her, he would be the one to marry her. The festivities however didn’t stop here. If a silver ring was found in a portion of Christmas pudding the lucky recipient would be destined to marry within a year. Conversely if they found a bone button the finder was destined to remain single.

And all the while these activities were taking place women would be filling their welsh dressers and dower chests with households goods and linen in preparedness for the big day. Where on earth did they find the time to fit it all in?

So we know what you’re thinking, while the women were taking all this time and trouble to find their future husbands what were the men folk doing? Well it was a lot more straight forward we’ve been told. As the old saying goes, “Boy, you take a good look round the meadow before you find the gate.” What more can we say!

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